THE TURNING POINT...

The verbal, psychological, and emotional abuse, control manipulation all my life, that I allowed myself to endure were bad. Really bad.

But the things I’ve allowed to change in my mind and heart because of it are horrid beyond words today...

Allowing Another Your Power

Are You Abusive to Yourself?

 

Have you ALLOWED this behavior to occur?

 

Often we allow people into our lives who treat us as we expect to be treated. If we feel contempt for ourselves or think very little of ourselves, we may pick partners or significant others who reflect this image back to us.

 

BUT I'M A VICTIM! You say. BUT ARE YOU???? THINK AGAIN.

 

Because we allow it. You are giving up your power to another.

 

If you are one who likes to barrage another,  or a recipient of constant verbal attacks, you may want to consider how you treat yourself.

 

What sorts of things do you say to yourself? Do thoughts such as “I’m stupid” or “I never do anything right” dominate your thinking? Learning to love and care for ourselves increases self-esteem and makes it more likely that we will have healthy, intimate relationships.

 

Typically self-esteem burns at both ends of this situation.

  

If you have been involved in emotionally abusive relationships, you may not have a clear idea of what a healthy relationship is like. I didn't. I devalued myself by allowing some of these things to continually repeat, even know I knew they weren't right, and hurtful.

It showed me that the lack of respect for MY needs were not taken into consideration, only the other was in an Ego state that made the inner struggles and need for me to be separate from the relationship to work on ME even more difficult.

 

What did that create? In seeking their "approval" and receiving only rebuttal as they consider only themselves and the void it will create in their life, I withdrew in a further state of confusion by staying. The tension that unfolded due to the unhappiness to do what I wanted to do, in an environment that kept me trapped that ultimately became toxic.

 

Consider these rights: (EXAMPLES TO FOLLOW)

• The right to good will from the other. SINCERE good will.  Not just words. Mean it from the heart, or do not wish it at all.
• The right to emotional support. What do they need? Asking, vs. assuming your version of emotional support is what they need is a presumption. Communication is key.
• The right to be heard by the other and to be responded to with courtesy.
• The right to distance yourself from the person to heal from issues you are still allowing into your presence. Without this support, and the guilt I allowed them to bestow upon me from them feeling rejected, not understanding that working on Self is a personal thing, can make the work on self a difficult one. An  environment that is a place that gives you a feeling of intimidation, vulnerability, guilt and unsupportive negative energy is no place to heal. 
• The right to have your own view, even if your partner has a different view. And the respect of that opinion, without making fun of, cutting down or demeaning it.
• The right to have your feelings and experience acknowledged as real. ***THIS IS IMPORTANT YOU DO NOT DEMEAN YOUR OWN VALUES AND BOUNDARIES***
• The right to receive a sincere apology for any jokes you may find offensive. What is funny to one is usually a jab disguised as a joke. It is called being respectful and taking responsibility for the truth that YOU ARE NOT JUST JOKING. 
• The right to clear and informative answers to questions that concern ONLY what is legitimately your business. That means, if it doesn't concern you, let it go. Pursuing an answer to satisfy the Egos need, is disguised as caring or concern of another. It is anything but that. The motives are usually with agenda of being nosy, jealous and insecure. They  feel they have a "right" to that respect. Just because you are in a relationship, does not automatically give you the assumption that the person is no longer an individual. Not every where they go, or what they do is REQUIRED to be communicated to you.  If you call this a request  "respect" you deserve,  what it really is instead is a self-gratifying, jealous, insecure demand that will surely push that person away.
• The right to live free from accusation and blame. Entrapment is is a way into accusing, which is deceitful. It is insecure presumptions that will cause total havock. The other person's defense is pointless - there is already judgment and assumptions there.
• The right to live free from criticism and judgment. You choose whether it is Constructive Criticism or not. If so, own it. If not, nothing needs to be said.  
• The right to have your work and your interests spoken of with respect. ALWAYS. You are in a relationship, but are an individual, too. Your opinions do not matter unless asked for.
• The right to encouragement. With sincerety, not because it will benefit you. Even if it is something that causes jealousy (which this is again an EGO state) be geniuinely HAPPY for the person - sarcasm has no place here. There's a difference...
• The right to live free from emotional and physical threat. Of your belongings, denying things that are everyday basic needs, or things they know you cannot do without. Physical attacks are another story, and just as bad. BUT, WHEN YOU ALLOW IT ONCE, YOU HAVE SET THE STAGE THAT WILL ALLOW IT TO HAPPEN AGAIN THE FUTURE.
• The right to live free from angry outbursts and rage. For voicing your stance, disagreement, opinions, you're allowed communication that is two way and agreements made together. When you have to fight to be heard, then experience rage from another, it is unhealthy.
• The right to be called by no name that devalues you.
• The right to be respectfully asked rather than ordered. It is demeaning and only devalues the person that believes threats are the way to achieve THEIR NEEDS.

If we are willing to tolerate negative treatment from others, the outcome is that we end up treating  others in negative ways as there is a constant battle to defend oneself. When it becomes too much and overwhelming, we start to believe that we are the things we are told, then end up treating ourselves similarly. Our goals, motivation to live and coping becomes unbearable. The guilt of what we allowed to happen to us is a much bigger hole to get out of  than if it had not tolerated it in the first place.

STOP ALLOWING OTHERS TO STEAL YOUR POWER. NO ONE CAN AFFECT YOU IF YOU DON'T ALLOW IT.

PEACE!

Manipulative Controlling Behavior Tactics

MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCES

I Wanted to share some very suttle tactics that eventually lead  to more evident and frequent behaviors that occurs on a daily basis.

- Controlling sleep habits (ie, deliberately interrupting sleep with loud noises, shaking one awake). wanting to have conversations at odd hours of the night

- Controlling email, social media, texts, etc. or making references  or comments about or to partner/spouse using these vehicles

These controlling behaviors, without laying a violent hand on someone, are not about "courtesy, decency, kindness or civility." They are learned behaviors by disturbed people designed to control the people in their lives. In my personal experience, these activities were far more abusive than the physical violence in either home. Watching one parent stand over the other while they cooked, ate, spoke on the phone, slept - the emotional impact is traumatic and abusive. On everyone in the home.

THE WORST KIND...

Structural, crippling emotional abuse should be a criminal offense
and thus should be punished as such. If you strip a person of their sense of worth and degrade them to the point that they unrealistically feel that they can't stand on their own, how can that NOT be abuse? It takes a toll, over years of repeating to  mentally break down a person to the point of feeling nothing at all.

These are unpleasant memories I've allowed myself to remember and be experienced again as if they just happened today.  Releasing them and letting  go of them for good is so important in the healing process...

Emotional abuse is a difficult  experience to go through, yet  rarely women  stand up to defend themselves against or go forth to pursue in court. Proving it is as hard as the attacks themselves.

A black eye is difficult to look past and a shattered sense of self by the words and acts of another...

Honor Thyself

This has probably been the toughest task to follow through on. Because I've never done it. Ever. Because I haven't been able to, it's got me where I am today. This is not where I am meant to be not will I choose to stay.

The past week I have been doing just that, a futile attempt at least.  I'm tired of staying stagnant, and must stick to being selfish, or desire the deep need to honor myself. Right now, my learned behaviors are not acceptable to me, and need to be re-written so that I do know when to honor myself at the right moments when faced in similar situations. 

OLD MEMORIES, BURIED ALIVE, NEVER DIE, THEY MERELY SHOW UP IN ANOTHER PAIR OF SHOES....

When you lie to yourself, or others about what your need, want,like or do,not like, is like having bacteria fungis.

You then become polluted by fungis.of dishonoring yourself, and difficulty to speak up FOR yourself becomes elevated, devalued, analyzed, twisted around....

SO TODAY I CHOOSE TO HONOR MYSELF ABOVE ANYTHING THAT EXISTS. BECAUSE I'M WORTH IT. AND BECAUSE THOSE WHO NEED ME I WILL NOT GIVE IN THIS STATE. NOR AM I WILLING TO ALLOW ANYTHING NEGATIVE INTO MY BEING, WHICH WILL DISTURB MY HEALING PROCESS.

Nothing else can matter.

Emotional Pain –To Heal It We Need To Acknowledge It

Acknowledging emotional pain may seem like an obvious step in the healing process that everyone is already doing. If you’re in pain, you already know it, right?Not always.

Many of us have a surprising amount of emotional trauma in our energy field that lies below our conscious awareness. In some cases we might be aware of some of the symptoms of an energetic wound within us, but we are unconscious of its deeper CAUSE – a core place of constriction where Life Force isblocked. The effects of this blockage can range from uncomfortable feelings of mild emotional pain at one end of the spectrum to severely debilitating physical and/or mental dis-ease at the more serious end of the spectrum.It is common for us to become practiced at denial of emotional pain in order to function in our lives.

Unconsciously we have learned how to keep the pain at bay so we can “do” our daily lives with some kind of balance. Often, the energetic imbalance within us actually causes us to create more imbalance as an attempt to gain equilibrium. And our only awareness of this might be a sense of feeling “off” or living our lives with limited inner resources, constantly looking for something outside ourselves to “fix” us.

In order to heal emotional pain, we need to invite it up into our conscious awareness. We need tocare enough about ourselves to spend time with ourselves, looking within and truly BEING with ourselves. Doing this we find an infinite Source of emotional support and wellbeing that is always available to us from within.

Traumatic Experiences and HEALING.

The traumatic experiences that result in the most damaged, negative belief filled programming in an individual's subconscious mind  are prolonged and repeated, sometimes extending over years of a person's life.

NATURAL VS HUMAN

Made prolonged stressors,  deliberately inflicted by people, are far harder to bear than accidents or natural disasters. Most people who seek mental health treatment for trauma have been victims of violently inflicted wounds dealt by a person.

If this was done deliberately, in the context of an ongoing relationship, the problems are increased. The worst situation is when the injury is caused deliberately in a relationship with a person on whom the victim is dependent---most specifically a  parent-child relationship or partner/spouse.

This can take anywhere from a month to years to heal at the Subconscious level, depending.on his severe and prolonged the emotional and/or verbal attacks occured.

Programmed negative beliefs must.go through several sessions of hypnosis/psycho therapy, EFT, or other methods that tap into the Subconscious to reprogram new beliefs which replace the old.

HEALING THYSELF.

What can and is being repaired...