The following blog post was from me, it was New Years Eve 2013...alone with nothing but the clothes I had on, and a gun in a cheap hotel, I was allowing all the pain, anger, hurt, guolt, remore, resentments, deception, accusations, threats and non stop verbal abuse of my past to degrade my perceptions so badly to think I could not find the peace and power I already had within.
SUICIDE WAS MY CHOSEN RELIEF.
However, my higher self chimed in to remind me of two reasons why choosing the decision to feel victim was very selfish. It was a moment of a selfish ego choice that would have meant THEY WIN, and, you left two of the most important people behind:
My Larissa Ann.
My Hannah Elizabeth.
YOU ARE MY WORLD.
It's 2/13/14 and this reality I chose to create to sabotage myself is no longer a thought in my mind. A year or so from now, I will have all I need to just BE. Help others, change the world.
Watch me!
EMPOWERMENT. PEACE.LOVE. YOU ARE THAT AND NOTHING ELSE. NO ONE CAN EVER TAKE THAT FROM YOU! !!!
HOW I FELT ...12/31/2013
I was the one with blinders on. Not smart enough to see my future. Not strong enough to endure relationships that were filled with verbal, mental and emotional abuse. Beautiful girls whom I love more than life itself tangled in the mess, and who will have to grow up with this loss, and live in the demise of their Mother's abuser, and another relationship that followed.
This is a short New Years Eve story about the choices I made to deal with this pain on a personal level, twisted in a web of narcissistic manipulation, judgement and blame. No one cares about what this girls pain is. Only get fails and faults ; perfect detour away from the highly sophisticated crazy making mind games that I endured from narcisstic psychpathic individuals since my childhood.
This changed my life and will affect those who knew me. Peace at 43...finally. You have no one to blame anymore but a memory of my horribleness. Happy New Year. THIS ONE IS OUTTA HERE....
