I have been broken.
For 15 years, I slowly took on some characteristics and traits as a result, such as losing touch with my emotions, becoming anti-social, living in fear, living in survival mode, outbursts of anger, hating myself, and forgetting who I really am - losing touch with my true self.
What I have allowed to affect me has changed me. Some for the better, moreso for the worst. The time I've lost is immeasurable, and those who cared no longer do. Head nothing to do with me though.
I spend each and every day in judgement by those people who want to keep me trapped in a past that has withered my soul.
I JUST WANT TO MOVE ON. WORDS AND JUDGEMENT HURT. CHISEL ANOTHER CHUNK OF EVERY OUNCE OF WILL I HAVE TO KEEP MOVING FORWARD.
NO ONE CAN JUDGEMENT ME BUT ME. SO LEAVE YOUR OPINION TO YOURSELF.
Do you REALLY know what LOVE means?
I mean, truly? I do. I have finally understood it's true meaning at age 44. No thing nor no one should be sought out to provide your sole happiness, and for showing you what love is.
Happiness should be everywhere. In you, resonate from you. Same with love.
Loving self first, and resonating to everyone and everything. Not selective. It shouldn't be given then taken away. That's the ego. It knows not a damn thing.
Love is everything and all things. Sometimes being human, we see egos that blind it.
Being human, others egos will hurt and break us down, if that's all you can see and feel.
Making assumptions and bringing up what people did wrong in their reality in the past, with constant reminders of "hope you don't do that again" know what it did - no good before, hope you can stay whole, learned your lesson? Hope you get it together" .... how is that helping in a positive manner???? Your ego stepping in instead of your true self to acknowledge everyone had their own journey and what will WILL when is time
Loving and supporting...but cold.
I love you, but.....
That's not love.
MAYBE FOR ONCE, STEP OUT IF EGO...STOP BRINGING UP WHAT I AM NOT TO DO, ALL THE THINGS I DID WRONG, AND SHOULDNT REPEAT. PERHAPS IF IT WASN'T A CONSTANT REMINDER, IT COULD BE LEFT IN THE PAST. YOU REMINDERS OF THOSE MISTAKES KEEPS THEM ALIVE IN THIS REALITY.
THEY DIE TODAY...
Sometimes seems as though I've become a target for the hurt that's in their hearts - that really has nothing to do with me, but perhaps they see in me those flaws within themselves perhaps they've not come to terms with.
All the ego projections on me from those who say they love me has been too constant and so intense, that physically HAS broke me down... rendering me weak. Taking my energy, my emotional state sensitive, sad and tired...I'm constantly defending myself and becoming exhausted from each and every scenario that I absorb in my mind and end up at the end of every single day in tears.
It leaves me moving slow. Breaks down my worth. My goal just knocked to the ground, that needs picked up again tomorrow and re-started....
Makes all steps upward towards effort to BECOME WHO I REALLY AM, AWAY FROM MY ILLUSION PAST removed from under me, as if I haven't done ANYTHING TOWARDS THAT GOAL.
I want others judgements, perceptions, opinions and feelings of who they *think* I am based on what I've done/not done in the past via actions or words
DO NOT MATTER ANYMORE.
If I could ask those close to me that feel I have hurt or disappointed them in any way:
CAN YOU look at me today as if you know none of yesterday???
CAN YOU??????????????????????
I can see you. Today. In the present moment. All of you. In judgement, dissapointment, hatred, anger, hurt, fear. And your beautiful.
Nothing else should matter, BUT THIS VERY MOMENT. VERY SECOND.
With this post, I manifest all that is positive, allowing nothing to affect my inner being today. All the challenges and obstacles to be faced with strength not fear.
I choose Love.Joy.Happiness. WILL YOU, TOO?
