EGO and it's Traps!

This is what we call the traps of the Ego

It will lie, push, demand, defend, attack, compete, protect, constrain, yell, and dramatize, as far as it can go, so as to keep up this ongoing game of sustaining the main illusion of control.

The greatest joke of all is that the Ego makes a fool of itself!  As it is oriented towards the outside world, the Ego won´t take responsibility for itself, tending to judge and blame the outside world for its results.  It is very worthwhile to take not that we don´t see things as they are, we see them as WE are. The great illusion being that happiness, or connecting to God, is something you search for on the outside, is merely a notion that comes from the Ego.

On a collective level, the sum of Egos builds up a conditioned and rigid society whose individuals are confined to determined ways of behaving, resulting in a world of black and white, good and bad, a consensus of “normality” and what is expected of each one. There is no room for spontaneity, authenticity and creativity, because this defies the old rigid ways of the Ego,  and so we learn to compromise our inner truth from the very beginning. And every time the illusion is cracked open, it is hurtful for the Ego – but the Ego is NOT the true self!

The process by which the Ego arrives at a False Self instead of a Real Self is a matter of a whole new article; however, it is central to understand how this vehicle can be oriented to fulfill one way or another. The Ego, which is an essential quality of the human being, is prone to support either the negative sides of yourself or the positive ones.

Opportunities to Heal and Work with The Ego

Get to know your Shadow and work with it.

Unidentify from your regular beliefs. Remember beliefs are temporary and they will change just as your circumstances do.

Get to know your Inner Self through the realm of the body; ask yourself frequently “What am I feeling right now?” and let the answer unfold itself by sensations instead of words at first. Take your time! This is not a fast exercise.

Gain consciousness of your ‘roles’ and ‘characters’ – which are the most common ones you fall into and when do they ‘come out to play’?

Practice consciousness: be a witness to yourself, use slow and deep breathing, and gain mindfulness about everything you do.

Get to know yourself in these four dimensions, differentiating between them: thoughts, feelings, sensations, intuitions.

Practice interesting games such as suspending of judgments for a whole hour, or expressing yourself without swearing to see what other language and form of expression comes out of you.

Adopt an innocent attitude as if you were a child, and play the learning game for a whole day: Rediscover everything, give yourself the chance of not knowing (and be ok with it), give yourself the chance of not having the last word nor trying to prove someone wrong. At the end of the day ask yourself gently: What did I learn from myself today?

If you made a mistake, laugh at yourself, laugh with yourself, then forgive yourself, just as an act of love.

Explore what happens to you internally if something doesn´t go your way. Explore your reactions. Write them down. Then read them out loud pretending you are a character from a movie. What do you feel?

At the end of the day, be thankful for all the ‘bad things’ that happened. Explore what feelings and fears come to you. Let them exist. Allow yourself to truly thank bad things that happened. Practice this for a week and register what changes in you after this.

Numerology...Personality Number 9

Your Personality number is 9

...also am a Lifepath 9....

 

You have an impressive and aristocratic bearing. No matter how tall you are, you appear noble and upright. You are very much in control of the image you send out to others.

Many actors, dancers, and other performers have a 9 Personality Number.

 

You are elegant, graceful, and charismatic. Many admire you. You have the kind of stature that pulls people to you or repels them intensely. Some are jealous of you and may seek to belittle you.

You may encourage this to some extent by the amount of arrogance you radiate.

 

This is a caution for all 9 Personalities - they are sometimes aloof and hold themselves above the world. Your challenge is to come down to earth with your fellow man.

Conversely, you have a great compassion for humanity and want to dedicate yourself to improving the lot of others.

You are better when dealing with the trials of the many than the trouble of a single person. You are more capable of working on the grand scale, addressing the needs of society, than on a one-to-one basis.

You are kind and sympathetic, helpful and compassionate.

Behind the controlled and calm facade, you are sensitive, vulnerable and emotional.

You have excellent taste. There is a good deal of artistic talent in you that shows in your home environment and your clothing. You tend to see yourself as a guardian of society, a benevolent leader, guiding and directing your community toward a better world.

Moving From EGO to LOVE in Relationships That End

Breaking the Cycle of Bad Relationships

By Marcia Sirota MD

A good relationship has three functions: it should make both partners happy; it should make them feel good about themselves and it should bring out the best in both.If one or more of these functions aren’t being fulfilled, the relationship by definition is problematic.

I like this article, merely because it defines where it has taken me today in relationships, and how I have allowed myself to be affected by those experiences.

So. I would like to add a fourth function that is CRITICAL in success in any relationship. A secure attachment. 

Marcia explains below what causes us to react in certain ways in our relationships that are unhealthy...which has everything to do with our lack of secure attachments in early childhood. A good relationship will also provide a secure attachment to each other...but as described below, childhood has much to do with gaining a secure attachment in order to be successful in giving one in our future relationships.

Many people grow up in happy, loving families where they see their parents treating each-other with care and respect. As children, they are given all the love and affirmation they need in order to grow up confident and secure. These people have little trouble forming healthy, happy romantic relationships.

Those individuals whose parents were in conflict, or were neglectful or even abusive to the children are lacking in the good foundation that the former group was able to establish. Some of these people fear closeness because being open and vulnerable could mean being hurt or rejected. Their ambivalence around intimacy leads them to choose partners who are unavailable or unable to commit.

Some people expect their romantic partner to treat them the way their parents did, and enter into their relationships defensive or even somewhat hostile toward their innocent and unknowing partner. On the other hand, many people from bad childhoods will choose a partner who is as cruel or rejecting as their parents were.

They do this for a few reasons: people go for what is familiar even if it’s hurtful, because it’s less anxiety-provoking than something new and unknown. They will also stay with a hurtful partner out of insecurity and the fear of being alone.

Another reason why people choose partners who resemble their parents is out of what Freud calls the “repetition compulsion.” This is an unconscious attempt to vicariously heal their parent-child relationship through their current one. The inner wish is that by transforming a rejecting or abusive partner into a loving, accepting one they’ll also somehow heal the emotional wounds of their childhood.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t work because for one, the chances of making someone change are slim to none. Secondly, even if this person were to change, the truth is that no relationship in the present can heal the emotional wounds created in the past. The person engaging in the repetition compulsion will remain in a bad relationship, hoping unsuccessfully that things will get better and suffering enormously in the process.

If you find yourself going in and out of frustrating, dissatisfying relationships, the solution is to see that either you’ve been continually choosing the wrong partner or that you’ve been projecting the qualities of your parents onto someone who in reality, is nothing like these people. You also need to recognize that your fear of being alone is based on a lack of self-confidence and self-love. But also perhaps the lack of what it feels like to have a secure attachment.

In order to be in a satisfying, non-conflictual relationship it’s essential to heal the emotional wounds you’ve been carrying. You’ll need to face the losses you experienced during childhood and past relationships that you experienced the same trauma from, and actively grieve them until you can let go of whatever pain or anger you’ve been carrying. This will enable you to approach a partner without the unconscious expectation that they’ll hurt or reject you.

Another reason why people choose partners who resemble their parents is out of what Freud calls the “repetition compulsion.” This is an unconscious attempt to vicariously heal their parent-child relationship through their current one. The inner wish is that by transforming a rejecting or abusive partner into a loving, accepting one they’ll also somehow heal the emotional wounds of their childhood.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t work because for one, the chances of making someone change are slim to none. Secondly, even if this person were to change, the truth is that no relationship in the present can heal the emotional wounds created in the past. The person engaging in the repetition compulsion will remain in a bad relationship, hoping unsuccessfully that things will get better and suffering enormously in the process.

You’ll need to learn how to give yourself the love, affirmation and protection that was lacking in the past, and this will enable you to feel less afraid of rejection, and to trust that you can be comfortable on your own. Grieving your losses and developing self-love will result in your letting go of the need to choose unavailable partners or to engage in the repetition-compulsion.

By taking responsibility for dealing with your emotional issues, you’ll make it possible to enter into relationships unburdened by the fears, beliefs or expectations created by the wounds of the past. Healing yourself will free you to choose loving, caring partners who, like you, are looking for meaningful companionship and intimacy.

Taking charge. Moving to peace with my past so it does not affect all the joy, happiness and love in the PRESENT MOMENT.