One part of the whole over 9 years. Most of this occured over time to net result of great loss in a Mother's heart. This was covert narcissism and control/manipulation. Yes, his "mind" has never seen me the same again. Diversion tactics below.
“confused child” Choice to Choose
Twist and confusion between my words of “I won’t be there on these weekends” and their Dads act of still driving them there in order to wait on me, knowing full well that I won’t be there.This is another sad example of parental soul-destruction leveled onto children.
Lies to make himself look good by using legitimate reasons for no show as a tool to convelute truth
To take pleasure in watching your children absorb with heartache the lie that the other parent doesn’t care enough to show is very sick.
Here are some examples of how these mentally abusive parents operate:
SITUATION #1 You are 5 minutes late.MEANING GIVEN BY YOUR EX TO YOUR KIDS: You don’t really care that much about seeing them. If you did, you would never show up late
.SITUATION #2 You need to move the time back 30 minutes due to traffic, work, etc.MEANING GIVEN BY YOUR EXEx shows up at original time and explains how inconsiderate you are to be 30 minutes late.
SITUATION #3 - You let ex know you’ll be out of town for a weekend or month.MEANING GIVE BY YOUR EXEx shows up at your weekends’ normal time and place with your children, and informs your children that their Mommy or Daddy must not love them very much and doesn’t want to see them.
Parents willing to do this are completely OK with seeing their kids suffer. Instead of building the little tikes up with excitement, which is what nurturing parents do, these bad exes would rather plant a mean lie into their kids’ heads in order to poison the relationship to their very core.
There are degradations of parental alienation. The most severe type is perpetrated by
These parents are ruthless in their efforts to eliminate their ex from the child’s life.
High Level Brainwashers Use Excuses With No Proof
"Sick of lies" is what he states as reasoning why he won't speak to me or hasn't in 8 years. Very twisted excuse yet this is what kids have adopted as real. Yet cannot give examples of what lies he fabricates to exist that keeps him in the excuses for not communicating with me for 8 years.
They spend decades spinning tales of woe of what the ex did, labeling the ex every derogatory name imaginable, and doing everything possible to deny an ex physical access to “their” child.
They dwell on the sins of the past. They simply cannot forgive any past grievances and ‘move on.’ They are permanently stuck in the past. Who you are now to them is no different than before although many years have passed.
They are revenge-minded. vengeful stop at nothing to gaslight you and create a hate campaign against you. For long term satisfaction .
They have anger and aggression issues to get point across and leave no room for discussion.
They are deeply unhappy people. Negative about just everything in any given day, chronic complainer, never know when they are in good mood and will walk on egggshells to not set them off or put in bad mood=consequences resulted.
Happy people don’t dwell on negatives, and allow past wrongs to weigh them down.
They have one or more psychological disorders or (PTSD) from war.
They were abused or neglected as as children. Were told they were an asshole, never mount to nothing had responsibilities like an adult forced into supporting family by working to help pay bills watching other siblings most of time vs. having a teenage fun life.
The roots of their bulldozing ways goes back to a dysfunctional childhood they had themselves and jeaousy they had for you because of your strong relationship with your parents...
They are extremely selfish people.
They make statements like "this is my house my things - as if the home wasnt also theirs. Devalues them as a person.
They are bad listeners, first and foremost. Rather threatened, yelled called names or became physical to prove whos boss
They are capable of completely disregarding the welfare of the child if it suits their own needs and is justified with selfish motives
They view child as a possession.
Ownership of and control of the child.
They will micromanage the child’s life in the extreme
They abuse the child on other levels that are unethical and very emotionally abusive threats or demands
They fequently physically abuse children as well. In short, they have no boundaries. Pull hair, slap and leave marks, hit their head, pull by arms...here is one final trait of the truly worst HLBs, and that’s the narcissistic behaviors of parent.
Who has the custody. Who are the real danger.
And you've tried to save yourself and recover from damage and are gone but covertly your kids were taken and you are the problem. Attemping any refute is a resurfacing of emotions you dont wanna deal with.
And these parents are the absolute worst abusers, and are true evil-doers at their core. They all lack a
They are masters at turning their perceived victimhood into manipulative lies intent on destroying their own child’s love for the other parent.
This mental child abuse that causes lasting scars, even when the child does one day realize the fraud and lies perpetrated onto them.
Top actions of an alienating parent
Doesn’t inform you of upcoming school activities (especially unexpected ones) Had to do all on my own to get in front of teachers etc so they knew i was a parent.
Expresses no enthusiasm for fun events you’re doing with the child (vacations, amusement parks, etc)
Becomes jealous
Constantly tells the kids i never paid out anything to help him financially.
He took all got tax refund claiming 2, had all
Limits child’s cellphone and computer usage, so you’ll rarely get a call, text, or email 2009-2011
Accomplishes a post-visitation shakedown, extracting as much info as possible to find negatives every time.
Hands the phone directly to the child when you call, avoiding ALL civil conversations with you.
Holds conversations with strangers family friends around kids constantly speaking bad things about you in earshot.
Able to hold resentment towards you for SEVERAL YEARS.
Never calls you when the child is sick or taken out of school. Never suggests you as a backup person to take or pick them up if ill.
Teaches the child adult things to tell you, such as “I don’t want to see you just want you to call me once a month and talk to me. 8/17/17
Teaches the child how to despise or hate another human being
Labels themselves the “good” parent; labels you the “bad” parent
Tells the child false stories about their childhood - how I left, has no responsibility for their hainus actions of verbal and emotional abuse and manipulative control.
Tells the child in vivid detail how he or she was victimized by you (while taking no blame at all for the divorce)
Teaches the child how to lie to you (coating their little hearts with false malice and scorn)
Keeping you off any school record that acknowledges that you are a parent : emergency lists have his friends relatives as contacts. Left out of important reminders conferences. Pretends as if you dont exist.
Refuses to help the child reach and call/email/mail cards on relatives’ birthdays on your side of the family tree
Uses child’s cellphone as a leash
Never gets the child excited about seeing you
*Reminds the child of all that he or she will be missing while with you and away from them*
Inflicts his or her unhappiness onto the child (as alienators are deeply unhappy people)
Control via a lawyer to reduce visitation to that even below family court minimum standards
Takes the child out of state without a peep, while demands precise details whenever you travel with them
Monopolizes the child’s time for hours on the phone or time with you. Take them somewhere before you pick up or promise of something better in lieu of going with other parent
Views any event in the child’s life– a distant Aunt’s birthday, a friend’s birthday, their friends wedding etc– as more important than their time with you
Informs children of alienator’s plans for them past 18 (you’ll go to college at X, and will stay here with me)
Is jealous of anything fun and memorable you do with the child (as they view the good times as a threat)
Gripes about things you’re doing as a parent to the child, but says nothing to you about it
Has outbursts around the child (extremely dramatic ones) when other parent comes to home or ķnows they are coming. Throws a fit to a point they dont even want to come because of the ramifications of leaving they dont hear about until they go back home.
Lacks a filter, spilling any adult topic into the child’s head
The de-identification of parent as childs parent.
Two extremely unfortunate but common tactics an alienating parent will use to further damage the child’s connection to the targeted parent is to:
The aggrieved, victimized (in his or her eyes), brainwashing parent can’t stand the thought of the targeted parent being in the child’s life.
So since labels and words matter so much in a child’s world, a quick way to devalue that parent is to label them with "your Mother". So they begin to relate to you as such- and with the same tone their Father would when referring to you. This is destructive behavior. Since what kids label becomes their reality, over time this causes their feelings to become at minimum muted.
.SITUATION #2 You need to move the time back 30 minutes due to traffic, work, etc.MEANING GIVEN BY YOUR EXEx shows up at original time and explains how inconsiderate you are to be 30 minutes late.
SITUATION #3 - You let ex know you’ll be out of town for a weekend or month.MEANING GIVE BY YOUR EXEx shows up at your weekends’ normal time and place with your children, and informs your children that their Mommy or Daddy must not love them very much and doesn’t want to see them.
Parents willing to do this are completely OK with seeing their kids suffer. Instead of building the little tikes up with excitement, which is what nurturing parents do, these bad exes would rather plant a mean lie into their kids’ heads in order to poison the relationship to their very core.
There are degradations of parental alienation. The most severe type is perpetrated by
These parents are ruthless in their efforts to eliminate their ex from the child’s life.
High Level Brainwashers Use Excuses With No Proof
"Sick of lies" is what he states as reasoning why he won't speak to me or hasn't in 8 years. Very twisted excuse yet this is what kids have adopted as real. Yet cannot give examples of what lies he fabricates to exist that keeps him in the excuses for not communicating with me for 8 years.
They spend decades spinning tales of woe of what the ex did, labeling the ex every derogatory name imaginable, and doing everything possible to deny an ex physical access to “their” child.
They dwell on the sins of the past. They simply cannot forgive any past grievances and ‘move on.’ They are permanently stuck in the past. Who you are now to them is no different than before although many years have passed.
They are revenge-minded. vengeful stop at nothing to gaslight you and create a hate campaign against you. For long term satisfaction .
They have anger and aggression issues to get point across and leave no room for discussion.
They are deeply unhappy people. Negative about just everything in any given day, chronic complainer, never know when they are in good mood and will walk on egggshells to not set them off or put in bad mood=consequences resulted.
Happy people don’t dwell on negatives, and allow past wrongs to weigh them down.
They have one or more psychological disorders or (PTSD) from war.
They were abused or neglected as as children. Were told they were an asshole, never mount to nothing had responsibilities like an adult forced into supporting family by working to help pay bills watching other siblings most of time vs. having a teenage fun life.
The roots of their bulldozing ways goes back to a dysfunctional childhood they had themselves and jeaousy they had for you because of your strong relationship with your parents...
They are extremely selfish people.
They make statements like "this is my house my things - as if the home wasnt also theirs. Devalues them as a person.
They are bad listeners, first and foremost. Rather threatened, yelled called names or became physical to prove whos boss
They are capable of completely disregarding the welfare of the child if it suits their own needs and is justified with selfish motives
They view child as a possession.
Ownership of and control of the child.
They will micromanage the child’s life in the extreme
They abuse the child on other levels that are unethical and very emotionally abusive threats or demands
They fequently physically abuse children as well. In short, they have no boundaries. Pull hair, slap and leave marks, hit their head, pull by arms...here is one final trait of the truly worst HLBs, and that’s the narcissistic behaviors of parent.
Who has the custody. Who are the real danger.
And you've tried to save yourself and recover from damage and are gone but covertly your kids were taken and you are the problem. Attemping any refute is a resurfacing of emotions you dont wanna deal with.
And these parents are the absolute worst abusers, and are true evil-doers at their core. They all lack a
They are masters at turning their perceived victimhood into manipulative lies intent on destroying their own child’s love for the other parent.
This mental child abuse that causes lasting scars, even when the child does one day realize the fraud and lies perpetrated onto them.
Top actions of an alienating parent
Doesn’t inform you of upcoming school activities (especially unexpected ones) Had to do all on my own to get in front of teachers etc so they knew i was a parent.
Expresses no enthusiasm for fun events you’re doing with the child (vacations, amusement parks, etc)
Becomes jealous
Constantly tells the kids i never paid out anything to help him financially.
He took all got tax refund claiming 2, had all
Limits child’s cellphone and computer usage, so you’ll rarely get a call, text, or email 2009-2011
Accomplishes a post-visitation shakedown, extracting as much info as possible to find negatives every time.
Hands the phone directly to the child when you call, avoiding ALL civil conversations with you.
Holds conversations with strangers family friends around kids constantly speaking bad things about you in earshot.
Able to hold resentment towards you for SEVERAL YEARS.
Never calls you when the child is sick or taken out of school. Never suggests you as a backup person to take or pick them up if ill.
Teaches the child adult things to tell you, such as “I don’t want to see you just want you to call me once a month and talk to me. 8/17/17
Teaches the child how to despise or hate another human being
Labels themselves the “good” parent; labels you the “bad” parent
Tells the child false stories about their childhood - how I left, has no responsibility for their hainus actions of verbal and emotional abuse and manipulative control.
Tells the child in vivid detail how he or she was victimized by you (while taking no blame at all for the divorce)
Teaches the child how to lie to you (coating their little hearts with false malice and scorn)
Keeping you off any school record that acknowledges that you are a parent : emergency lists have his friends relatives as contacts. Left out of important reminders conferences. Pretends as if you dont exist.
Refuses to help the child reach and call/email/mail cards on relatives’ birthdays on your side of the family tree
Uses child’s cellphone as a leash
Never gets the child excited about seeing you
*Reminds the child of all that he or she will be missing while with you and away from them*
Inflicts his or her unhappiness onto the child (as alienators are deeply unhappy people)
Control via a lawyer to reduce visitation to that even below family court minimum standards
Takes the child out of state without a peep, while demands precise details whenever you travel with them
Monopolizes the child’s time for hours on the phone or time with you. Take them somewhere before you pick up or promise of something better in lieu of going with other parent
Views any event in the child’s life– a distant Aunt’s birthday, a friend’s birthday, their friends wedding etc– as more important than their time with you
Informs children of alienator’s plans for them past 18 (you’ll go to college at X, and will stay here with me)
Is jealous of anything fun and memorable you do with the child (as they view the good times as a threat)
Gripes about things you’re doing as a parent to the child, but says nothing to you about it
Has outbursts around the child (extremely dramatic ones) when other parent comes to home or ķnows they are coming. Throws a fit to a point they dont even want to come because of the ramifications of leaving they dont hear about until they go back home.
Lacks a filter, spilling any adult topic into the child’s head
The de-identification of parent as childs parent.
Two extremely unfortunate but common tactics an alienating parent will use to further damage the child’s connection to the targeted parent is to:
The aggrieved, victimized (in his or her eyes), brainwashing parent can’t stand the thought of the targeted parent being in the child’s life.
So since labels and words matter so much in a child’s world, a quick way to devalue that parent is to label them with "your Mother". So they begin to relate to you as such- and with the same tone their Father would when referring to you. This is destructive behavior. Since what kids label becomes their reality, over time this causes their feelings to become at minimum muted.
All this over 9 years has my childrem question my sanity. One refuses to speak to me. Holding on by thread for the other who hasn't been totally brainwashed.
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