Because Words Carry A Vibration...VERBAL AND WRITTEN - DRAFT

Those who are verbal abusers chronically see themselves as victims. 

 

****Their sense of themselves as victims is deeply entrenched and feel that their time invested in this relationship needs self radification****

 

They may feel “the victim” of many many things, including being inconvenienced, or their needs not met.  It is from their self-engendered victim-status that blame flows so naturally; from blame, the anger/rage; from the anger/rage, the rationalization of aggressive/abusive responses. They put it all back on you.

 

 

It’s also the case that once abusive individuals have established a pattern of their self-perceived victimization, their threshold for feeling subsequently victimized decreases; now, it takes less and less for them to feel victimized, perhaps only a minor disappointment or frustration. As time goes on, it becomes VERY EVIDENT AND DEFINED.

 

This is why many abusive individuals can find almost any basis to complain, to feel slighted, thereby tripping (and licensing) their abusiveness. 

 

Abusive individuals, at bottom, feel entitled not to be burdened by whatever feels burdensome to them. It is your job, your responsibility, to alleviate their burden.

 

• Respond to texts on demand (not responding or not responding fast enough to their satisfaction)

> attempt to demand contact from you, typically using a manipulative way to do this so you will respond, usually with sympathy or urgency.

 

And when you don't respond...WITHHOLDING, THREATS AND PERCEIVED ASSUMPTIONS AND DEMEANING HURTFUL, SARCASTIC WORDS WILL COME AS THE RESPONSE.


 

 

Your failure to do so, from their self-centered perspective, is an abdication of your duty, a form of betrayal. There are also threats to non-response, or ways in which they demean you verbally, in a text or on social media.

 

 

 

 

 

Not surprisingly, many abusive individuals tend to think in paranoid and problematically rigid ways.






INSECURITIES - ASSUMPTIONS

ASSUMPTIONS OF INSECURITY
 

They tend to RIDGIDLY ATTRIBUTE MALICE to those who disappoint them, OR ACTUALLY POINT OUT WHAT IT IS THEY ARE DOING OR BEING.

ACCUSATION BASED ON JEALOUS ASSUMPTIONS OF INSECURITY
 

 

 

Deploying spectacular powers of rationalization and projection, they see themselves ironically (and, of course, conveniently) habitually as victim—as the betrayed, exploited party—a warped perception that ratchets up their anger, lubricating their impending abusive response.  

 

 

Sometimes underlying abandonment issues (including borderline personality disorder) fuel the possessive/controlling behaviors of abusive individuals.
 

Manipulative Controlling Behavior Tactics

MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCES

I Wanted to share some very suttle tactics that eventually lead  to more evident and frequent behaviors that occurs on a daily basis.

- Controlling sleep habits (ie, deliberately interrupting sleep with loud noises, shaking one awake). wanting to have conversations at odd hours of the night

- Controlling email, social media, texts, etc. or making references  or comments about or to partner/spouse using these vehicles

These controlling behaviors, without laying a violent hand on someone, are not about "courtesy, decency, kindness or civility." They are learned behaviors by disturbed people designed to control the people in their lives. In my personal experience, these activities were far more abusive than the physical violence in either home. Watching one parent stand over the other while they cooked, ate, spoke on the phone, slept - the emotional impact is traumatic and abusive. On everyone in the home.

THE WORST KIND...

Structural, crippling emotional abuse should be a criminal offense
and thus should be punished as such. If you strip a person of their sense of worth and degrade them to the point that they unrealistically feel that they can't stand on their own, how can that NOT be abuse? It takes a toll, over years of repeating to  mentally break down a person to the point of feeling nothing at all.

These are unpleasant memories I've allowed myself to remember and be experienced again as if they just happened today.  Releasing them and letting  go of them for good is so important in the healing process...

Emotional abuse is a difficult  experience to go through, yet  rarely women  stand up to defend themselves against or go forth to pursue in court. Proving it is as hard as the attacks themselves.

A black eye is difficult to look past and a shattered sense of self by the words and acts of another...