Real or Fake Growth Practices?

Not all that claims to be growth is real growth.

Much of what masquerades as growth is a narcissistic pursuit in a shrewd disguise.
What I’ve come to realize is that much of the time, when I think I’ve been growing, I haven’t really been growing. I’ve been trying to fix or improve myself.

The line between authentic growth on the one hand, and fake growth on the other, is an obscured landscape. Sometimes I think that I’m growing, and I really believe wholeheartedly that I am. Then I notice an undercurrent of duplicity, and when I dig deeper, I find that what was perpetrating as an authentic endeavor was really not. I wasn’t starting from a place of wholeness and expanding from there. I was trying to cure an invisible illness: my perceived inadequacy.

That inadequacy is a myth driven by the ego, and has nothing to do with real growth.
We’re already whole. Already complete. You don’t need to prove that to yourself by chasing hollow achievements. Real growth has nothing to do with fixing anything. It’s about expanding what already is. Expanding your knowledge and learning from it. You never stop learning.

The prolificacy of comfort

The other problem I’ve found is that often you think you’re really growing, but you’re just lying to yourself. Some part of you is comfortable. You’ve developed a nice little pattern that cushions you and keeps you safe. So you rebel against the pattern a little, and you take a little bit of risk. This makes you feel good and you tell yourself you’re growing.
But you know that real growth would be much more uncomfortable. It would kill the pattern, and in its place would be an expansion of possibility.

Then there’s the fake growth addict

You know that part of you that wants to always reach the “next level”? That’s the fake growth addict. Real growth isn’t about reaching another level. It’s not about constantly seeking something outside yourself.

Real growth is about internal transformation. It’s about the realization that you are already whole. You are already complete. You are already more powerful than you can dare to imagine!!!!!

Real growth is about embracing that power and doing it fearlessly. The number one sign of fake growth is: constinual seeking.

The hidden secret of real growth: it doesn’t matter that much to itself

The truth about real growth is that real growth doesn’t need validation. It doesn’t need for you to approve or disapprove. It doesn’t need a stamp of validation or a letter of recommendation. It doesn’t need to be sanctioned by a regulated list of socially approved goals. It bogs you down with the need to please people all the time.

And here’s something else… Real growth doesn’t care that YOU call it growth.

It has no ego. It has no internal or external validation system. That’s because real growth is beyond growth.

Real growth is about…

• Experiencing a greater intimacy with life and a deeper passion for it.
• A new level of understanding; moving past a plateau.
• Liberation, not confinement.
• Fluidity, intuition, organicness, naturalness.
• The present moment.
• Starting from a place of wholeness.
• Accepting the reality of the situation as-it-is.
• Healing.
• Not being overly positive (denial) or overly negative (nihilistic).
• Real life, including all the warts, imperfections, blemishes, and scars.
• Accepting the things you don’t like; and upon realizing that you want to change them, facing them head on.
• Not simply swallowing a “think positive” placebo (denial).
• Community. Growth does not happen in a vacuum. It is supported by those around you, and your growth has a positive impact on your immediate circle, your community, and the world.

Real growth accepts that sometimes it’s not necessary

Real growth knows that sometimes it’s time to stop growing. Sometimes it’s time to let go, to move on, and yes, to decline. Growth and decline are two sides of the same pole. Without one, the other can’t exist.  This is the point in my life that matters, because at 45, I am done growing, but always still learning. I have accepted, let go and moved on to a better place than before.

In the end, real growth knows that it doesn’t really matter. It’s not just about rising vertically, or expanding horizontally. Real growth knows that what goes up, must come down, and what expands, must contract.